Mira is experiencing a collision of circumstances in the midst of truly weird worldwide situations.
Hers is a tiny nothing in the big picture of global chaos and yet the play on her small stage consumes her days and brings the larger picture into Shakespearean focus.
A first time dance performance turned out not as expected or rehearsed … messy. Dancing in a show was the exact opposite of her tango preference which is improvised, introverted, private, intimate, and the outcome of this choreographed, terrifying performance gave her much to ponder. She calls it her tango trauma.
Woven into this experience timewise is an art show in a serious gallery with her mentor. All of this manifested in the rich and crazy tapestry called life.
An introvert explores and bares her soul in the midst of national and even international unraveling, by weaving the threads. A gritty collage.
It’s not a surprise that Mira would have a melt down in performance but her response is the surprise. She assumed that she caused the wheels of the dance to fall off. Despite learning a different set of facts, she was haunted by the belief of not living up, an ancient sense of inadequacy.
This over reaction was a big opening into dark and murky patches filled with Jungian symbol and metaphor, monsters and creepiness, toxic spew, poisonous realms.
Her preference was to avoid all of this especially in the middle of final art show preparations.
In the aftermath of the tumult Mira had choices.
Easy breezy, blame someone else and quickly move on, which would be the standard grown ass (her daughter's terminology) American adult contemporary political response.
She could divert her attention to the next shiny object that passed by in the form of online social media this or that.
Or she could give herself over to the opportunity to mine the muck for maybe something useful, something to add to her collage materials collection.
For someone intent on sifting through dross, the choice was simple.
Mira suited up for the deep dive, prepped herself and plunged in, shattering the crust of ice en route to the insights below.
When she offers herself to work like this energy drains from her body, leaving her days depleted of space for anything other than staying with the project.
She supports herself kindly through it, bathing under starlit skies, sitting for long periods, dancing quietly with friends.
She notices that when she dances with a partner she is never asked about a sadness or confusion that might be apparent in the dance, but is allowed to express her dance in duet and respected for her experience which remains hers alone. She finds this satisfying and supportive.
In this dive she finds unresolved issues, undigested, crying for attention and love, and all of this having nothing to do with the current situation except for the invitation to once again revisit the territory.
She thought that interior exploration through Jungian Active Imagination might be revealing and a good place to start but before embarking turned to some older drawings based on previous explorations and found the material to be remarkably applicable, perhaps more so than previously. Whoa, how does this stuff work?
As hard as it is to look into such mirrors she is grateful for the years of living that give her the confidence to trust her findings and intuition, sharing with dear friends when she needs to speak aloud, and taking responsibility for her feelings and process.
In spite of the unwinding and unwelcome last minute upsets that threatened the art opening, Mira and her mentor, her art mother, rallied for the joyful colorful event, a veritable love fest of art and dance brimming with loving friends.
And then the aftermath, fatigue and let down after months of preparation, expectation, hope, and fantasy. In this place they found a connection of shared knowing of a particular event, a reality so particular that it felt uncanny to occupy it in tandem with another.
And here is where she mines the treasures of gratitude for those who share the knowing of a thing in this devastatingly complex universe that we inhabit.
While she was mucking around, in a fragile state, she returned to regular challenges such as a private dance lesson with a Russian diva whose brutal teaching style further stripped her dignity.
Though the lesson content was inspired and received by her body as truth and clarity, the teaching style shredded her confidence and self worth, yet again. She is beginning to wonder, is this how some gifts arrive, wrapped in sea urchin prickly skins?
She imagines it was simply the way this dancer received her training and how she knows to share.
Such complicated beings we are, dancing together on this precious planet.
Fail better over and over says contemporary wisdom which seems to overlook the actual impact of these traumas … unless, unless such experience softens her for learning and forgiveness.
She is reminded of Richard Rohr’s prayer for one humiliation a day to keep him from getting too full of himself.
Mira would be grateful for just one a day.
Mira is ready for a little break, maybe even a big one from endless obsessive striving, all self imposed, making her weary and wondering about the purpose of it.
in the limited time she is granted, she wonders what business judgements of success and failure have in the experience of the complex tapestry of her life.